Why I wrote this book on Emotionally Dangerous Men -- and why you need to read it!
...Time, change, and most importantly growth permit me to reflect on my feelings for Jason with some measure of humor. Don’t let that fool you. The issues discussed in this book are anything but funny. The pain we suffer when we maintain destructive relationships can be excruciating.
It’s these beliefs which lead us to choose such faulty men as our romantic partners. And far too many of us do it.
It’s no secret that a lot of very bright, confident women become romantically involved with men against our better judgment (and ignoring the warnings of family and friends). Sooner or later, most of these men live up to their terrible reputations.
This leads to me to Harsh Truth #1. We often become involved with men we would quickly reject if we were giving advice to someone else about them!
Too often we have blinders when it comes to our own choices, but vision like Superman’s when it comes to examining everyone else’s lives.
I was a perfect case of this. I’ve always prided myself on being able to spot the jerks among the men my girlfriends would date, even before my formal training. I would warn my girls about the consequences of falling for those guys, but they, like me, wouldn’t listen. After everything fell apart, we’d all sit around and commisserate about our horrible love lives.
To be honest, when these disappointments happened in my friends' relationships, for the reasons I’d predicted in the beginning, I felt smug. I felt powerful. After all, hadn’t I told these women that their men would cheat, or lie, or steal, or in one case go out with another man? (Don’t ask.)
Wasn’t I usually able to spot these problems after only one or two meetings with my friends’ new beaus? Wasn’t I right about these men again and again?
Having this ability convinced me that I was safeguarded from serious man-troubles in my own life. I was proud to know that I was so capable, and I knew that knowledge can protect you. But you know that pride goeth before the fall, don’t you?
And armed with the kind of proud invulnerability I felt, I was really setting myself up. This led me to:
Harsh Truth #2: Men show you who they are. You’re responsible if you don’t bother to pay attention to what you find.
When we ignore what we see or lie to ourselves about whether or not we’ll get emotionally involved, we deceive ourselves in a million little ways. But if we bother to really look before we jump, we’ll know we’re headed for romantic disaster.
After my summer with Jason came to a humiliating end, I returned home broken-hearted and disillusioned. Once again I had learned that being smart had not kept me from getting emotionally involved with an obvious jerk. I was furious with myself for being so sure about myself. I’d forgotten:
Harsh Truth #3: Knowing something is bad for you won’t automatically protect you from it!
It can’t. It won’t. If knowledge isn’t used to make the right choices, then it does nothing but make you feel even more ridiculous when everything goes wrong.
Want to read the rest? Contact me at drdina1@msn.com for a PDF version of the book. Only $15 AUS, $10 US
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