That doesn't mean you should completely throw caution to the wind. Below are a few tips to keep in mind to increase the chances that you -- and your former crush -- have a positive experience.
Positive Aspects – whether an old flame, old friend or old acquaintance:
1. Sites like facebook and myspace let you find someone by name. It’s even easier if you know their email address
2. Photos let you see what they look like now, as long as the photos are recent
3. Profile pages tell you how someone thinks – without it only being designed to pull in romantic interests
4. You get a chance to see what types of friends they have and what types of activities they get involved in
5. It's usually safer than connecting with total strangers
6. You can talk about the old days to prevent awkward pauses in conversation
7. It can be good to talk to people who remember you as an individual, not just a partner or a parent
Of course, there are some possible problems you should be on the lookout for:
a) If they post a lot of social events and you’re not invited, it could hurt your feelings (a risk when they’ve been ‘tagged’ going somewhere they didn’t tell you about)
b) They could be disappointed by the way you’ve changed
c) You could be disappointed by the way they’ve changed
d) You could be pursued by someone who has issues, for instance:
- you never really liked them in high school
- they keep track of what you’re doing all the time
- they contact you whenever you sign on
- they pressure you for in-person contact when you don’t really want to meet with them
- they keep track or comment on anyone you may be interested in or spend more time with online
- they post embarrassing photos, past or current, or say embarrassing things
- they try to befriend your friends, and that makes you uncomfortable
Here is some general advice for doing this right:
o Don’t expect anyone to be exactly the same as they were. Time changes us all!
o If you’ve changed a lot, physically or emotionally, tell them before you meet
o Take it slow and get to know them again
o Don’t be embarrassed about ignoring a friend request:
- if you don’t really like them or don’t want them in your life (for whatever reason)
- if you have information you post that you don’t want that person to see
- if your friends don’t want their interactions with you to be shared with that person
o If it’s an old flame, allow for the possibility that there’s no attraction any more
o If it’s an old flame, allow for the possibility the attraction is still strong
o Be ethical – if they’re married with kids and you used to have a zing-bang, totally hot relationship, leave them alone!
