Make Psychologists Have to Get New Jobs in 2010

Will I lose your respect by admitting I would prefer to have a different job? It’s not that I don’t like helping people. Helping others is enormously rewarding. It’s just that so much of what I do could be solved by people themselves if they had a little insight.

So I’m going to provide you with some words of wisdom. And then I’m going to pray that you take it. That way I can fulfil my fantasy to be a screenwriter/interior decorator/talk show host replacement for Oprah. And you can have the healthy relationships you deserve.

Tip One: Don’t make decisions when you’re emotional. That includes angry, stressed, anxious, depressed or feeling too fat for all of your nice clothes. When you make decisions at this time, you’ll regret it when you calm down. And then you’ll feel obligated to uphold decisions that make you want to kick yourself.

Tip Two: Don’t blow hot and cold emotionally. If you get moody and claim its hormones, your job, alcohol or anything else, go visit your GP, start looking at the job adverts and put down that beer. Emotionally erratic people cause enormous pain to the people that care for them. Don’t give yourself permission to act like this.

Tip Three: Self-awareness isn’t just for people who eat organic food. Whatever your dietary habits, being genuinely aware of feelings, motives and fears is a sure-fire way to keep you and everyone around you sane. When you say one thing and do another everyone ends up dazed and confused. Which is the real you? They both are, which is why it’s a problem. Which is more the real you? In a toss-up your behaviour wins. Your actions are more likely to be driven by your genuine values, beliefs and feelings. So if you keep doing something over and over, stop trying to convince yourself you didn’t really want it. Come to terms with who you really are or prepare to spend a lot of money in therapy sessions.

Tip Four: Do unto others. I know this sounds religious but it’s plain common sense. Don’t do things to other people that you would hate if they did it to you. There’s a whole list of personality disorders that are associated with demanding double standards in relationships. If you want to know if you do this, by the way, ask your close friends and family. Then brace yourself for what they say.

Tip Five: Understand that being good in one area doesn’t buy a free pass in others. Being nice to animals doesn’t make you a good person if you terrorise your spouse and cheat your business partners out of money. If I had to select one phrase I’ve heard from most emotionally difficult (or horrible) people is ‘I’m a good person.’ They’re choosing to be selectively blind. Think about all of your areas: are you a loving partner? A considerate parent? An understanding and fair boss or employer? Go around yourself 360 degrees and see where you need work. Then work on it.

And one for the road.

Tip Six – the Big One: Integrity. Be a person of your word. This means not only doing what you say, it’s also means saying what you’ll do. Integrity is about openness and holding yourself accountable. It includes both the refusal to lie outright as well as not lying by omission (thereby letting someone believe something you know isn’t valid). I don’t count white lies because women really don’t want to know if our pants make our butts look big. I mean being upfront when issues are important. It’s not something you’d want to admit? Don’t do it. Think of every choice as something you’re going to eventually have to own up to. It will keep you out of trouble and you and your partner out of marital counselling.

There you have it. The secrets to emotional health and strong relationships. Now I can go back to polishing my film scripts. I’m certain Hollywood really needs me.